Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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