guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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