I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
