Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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