DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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