is your mom at the bar?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
