this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
