Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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