So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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