a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
