Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
