so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
