I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
They took my balls.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
