He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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