She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
