like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we're chasing vodka with high fives
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
