Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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