Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
