I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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