Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
