he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
