I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
