I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize