I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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