just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
