I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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