I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
