she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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