I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
