I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
