finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
