I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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