barbara walters just said penis...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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