im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
