new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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