Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
