and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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