I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
