Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
