there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My breasts were aching with rage.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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