He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
