In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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