He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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