It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize