you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
