Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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