I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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