Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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