Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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