Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
