i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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