I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
