If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
