Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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