I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
