i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
