nut hugger
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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