You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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