Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
