You're completely useless in the revolution.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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