Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think I just sharted jello shots
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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