I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
