when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
