I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
