Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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