You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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