I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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