I wish I could punch you in the face.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize