How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
