Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
