I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
