can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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