I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
