Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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