I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
