Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
