I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize