Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
