You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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