Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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