I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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